Long Week

The only way to describe this past week is long; it was a very long week.  In the past week I’ve worked more hours than I’ve been home, I’ve seen missed Clare’s bedtime three times and haven’t picked her up from Karen’s at all.  When I got home at 9 on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights I went in to check on her, it broke my heart to think I’d missed her day, I wasn’t there to help her with dinner, have our bath, cuddle before bed or kiss her goodnight as she fell asleep.   I missed watching her grow and learn this week.  This isn’t what I want for my life, I can’t keep doing this, my family is the most important part of me.   

Everyday I think about the blog, I write entries in my head as I drive home, or as I’m waiting for a lesson to show up or while trying to solve other peoples problems at work, but I just can’t seem to get them posted.  Wouldn’t it be nice if I could get the entries from my mind onto paper without having to type, I could save so much time!  I also haven’t been taking as many pictures, hard to do when I’m only with Clare for an hour or so in the mornings, nobody wants to see pictures of the pools or my desk where I’ve been while Clare is learning to walk and roll a ball. 

Today was the annual Highline Canal run that Clare and I did last year.  Jeff was on the list to be in charge of refreshments and I was scheduled to help prior to walking the 5K with Clare; last night I decided that my time would be better spent at home with Clare, so we didn’t go.  Jeff got up early and braved the chilly May weather to police the Gatorade tent and hand out race packets.  Clare and I slept in and played most of the morning, we caught up on Grey’s Anatomy and cleaned the floors; it was a wonderful Saturday morning.  Jeff came home just in time for lunch and a nap. 

After naps for Clare and Jeff, I went to work for a bit, we watched the Rockies give it away in the 9^th when Hawp Dawg hit a 2 run homer for the Padres, while practicing rolling the ball and walking.  

Catch Dada!

Clare is so close to walking; she takes a few steps and then sits down to crawl.  On Wednesday evening she went to work with Jeff, he had to teach a class before going home, and walked 7 or 8 steps to him after his class.  It breaks my heart that I wasn’t there to see her first real walking, I’m glad Jeff was there to see it.  Hopefully she’ll be walking more and more in the next few days, we keep practicing.

One of the guys on Jeff's softball teams suggested holding onto something that Clare wants to practice walking, once she starts going you let go and she keeps going.  We tried the wooden spoon, originally suggested, but she wasn't interested, so Jeff grabbed my purse.

She did take a few steps...

but then sat down to play with it.

Maybe Kai can help, she has 4 legs, surely she can help!

Such a happy girl, even if she doesn't walk on her own.

Tonight we’re lounging around home; Clare went to bed early after expressing how tired she was while grocery shopping.  I’ve been shopping on-line for a little shopping cart for her while Jeff has been watching TV; a pretty typical wild and crazy Saturday night for us.

This week will be a repeat of last week, I have to work late Tuesday, Thursday and Friday nights on top of having to work Monday afternoon.  I know that Clare won’t remember this time and she’ll be happy to see me in the mornings, but it’s still hard to know that I’m missing so much.  Today she didn’t want me to be out of her site, Jeff tried to help her take a nap and she wasn’t having it, when I got out of the shower and walked in the room she reached her arms out to me and curled up under my chin and rested her head on my chest.  I wish I could hold her like that forever and never let her go.